Saturday, December 17, 2005

Excitement in Iowa

Apparently there isn't much to do in Mason City, IA. Well, unless you work at the municipal airport. Why do I say this? Cause I damn near got strip searched there this past Friday.
The first time I flew out of there they pulled me off to the side because there was a "unidentifiable solid metal object" in my purse. Yes, sir, we call that a keychain. They commanded I step behind this line, and they opened my purse with the greatest of care, they swabbed what they needed to and then let me on the plane.
Wanting to avoid any keychain confusion I removed my keys and the trumpet mouthpiece I'd brought to try and keep my lips in shape for drum corps from my purse and placed them right out in the open in one of the bins. Thought I was safe. Nope, must have just been lucky. They called me off to the side for a wanding. They must have had that freakin' wand turned up all the way because EVERYTHING set it off. And after the wand beeped, the lady had to pat me down in the offending area. Rivets on my jeans - beep - pat. Underwire on my bra - beep - pat. Bra closure - beep - pat. The screws inside my knee used to repair a torn ACL - BEEP - pat - disbelief - offer to show the scar - more beeping - pat - pat - sit down please, ma'am - beep - pat - rub. Okay, lady, that's the most action I've gotten in a long time. It's not a gun, I promise. It's not a bomb either, although according to my surgeon Dr. Patrick McKenzie, I had previously exploded it. His words, not mine, now let me on the plane. Please. I'll be good. Well, I'll try to be good....it's only 5am and not much on making promises that early in the morning.

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