Monday, October 31, 2005

Trick or Treat?

People keep asking me this.
And I reply, "both."
I'm not greedy, I'm dichotomous.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Know Your Audience

I don't think I have a hard name to spell, especially if I've written it or, God forbid, actually typed it out before. I don't know why solicitors have such a hard time with it. I guess I shouldn't be complaining too loudly, though. If they can't fine Mr. A. Benoit Lindsay, they can't claim I have their credit card.
Just got a ShopRite Price Plus Club card, which I filled out the application for at the local ShopRite, in the mail. Well, Unkday A Benit, got the card. I think I'll still use it, though.
Okay, so come to think of it, the HR person at my job can't spell my first name right. Apparently I'm just doomed.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Touch My Monkey

Kenny won me a monkey at Six Flags. He won his girlfriend a bigger monkey but I still got one. Hello Orange-a-tan.

Monday, October 24, 2005

The Face of Evil

I am Mr. B. My real name is Boris. But don't call me Boris or I shall kill you. And I'll beat up your cat, too.

Inside Outside Upside Down

Must have got dressed in A: the dark or B: a hurry this morning. Why? Because I put my underwear on inside out. The sad part is that I didn't notice till the second or third time I used the bathroom today. At the very least I got the underwear on the the inside of the pants. That's something. Small victories.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

That's What I Deserve...

It's Sunday, so that means I'm watching football. I'm not watching the specific football game that I want to be watching because I moved and I they seem to refuse to broadcast Packers games out here. But, I've got them up on the Internet, along with my fantasy football game, so I'm still informed on the game.
Of the two games on here today, I chose to watch the CBS game because the other one was a blow out already (42-7 in the third quarter, or something crazy like that).
So, the CBS goes to their halftime break and I hope to catch a few Packers highlights. Nope, they just show the score, no passing or catching or running shots from my team. I then think, "what the heck, lets' switch over to Fox and see what's going on over there."
The Packers game. That's what going on over there.
I'd like to think that they switched the broadcast at the very moment I changed the channel. I doubt it, but that's what I'm going to think. They've probably been broadcasting the entire game and I've missed it.
And that, is exactly what I deserve for not checking earlier.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Classically Conditioned

I was driving home from work today and something struck me, mentally, not literally. Though, I'm not saying a little car-totaling-without-bodily-harm wouldn't be welcome. Car has just become a bother, but anyway, back to the point.
I got to a spot in the commute where the traffic is just always bad. A couple major routes converge and go from three-or-more lanes each down to just two. Usually the traffic comes to a standstill as each driver tries to get as close to the last possible merge moment before actually merging. Well, today was different, there was barely a touch of the brakes. It was awesome, and all I could think was, "what a treat."
The next time I thought, "what a treat" was when I saw that gas prices at the local station has fallen to $2.73. Did I really think this was a treat? Are we being secretly programmed to think that bad things really aren't so bad when they're slightly less bad than normal? Whaaaaa?

Tuesday, October 18, 2005


Leg cramps which are induced by biking on a cool night are, apparently, exacerbated by rollerblading the next night.
It's really hard to walk when your calf muscle is all tied in knots.

Monday, October 17, 2005


Okay, it took six months but I finally found a great place to see a sunset in NY. It's not exactly like watching from a bill hill over looking the bay of Green Bay, but it will do. And, even better, it's within biking distance from the house. The end of the pier is 3.99 miles from the back shed, approximately.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

No Bones

Took a little rollerblade today and explored a trail I'd only ever seen from the highway. It was okay, nothing spectacular. Recent rain and heavy winds have left a lot of debris on the trail. So, half the time was spent dodging twigs and branches or pulling said twigs and branches out from between my wheels. Anyway, it was good to get out. After nine days and nights of rain, any time in the sunshine is more than welcome.
Perhaps the best part of the trip was reading the sign on the Bridge the Gap clothing collection bin in the parking lot I'd parked on. It was spray painted on with those kinds of stencils that only show part of the letter. You know, like this, because you need the gaps to hold the stencil together. Anyway, part of the sign read:
"Bones?" I thought. No, I'm sure it was Boxes, but because of the stencil and a bit of run paint, it sure looked liked Bones. And it's too bad they don't accept them, it would have a convenient place to put bones if I ever had to kill anybody.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Some Days

Some days you feel like Coho salmon smoked on a cedar plank.
Other days you feel like fish sticks and tartar sauce.
I think today is a fish-stick day.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Personal Ad

Part of me, a big part of me apparently, finds the thought of posting a picture of me in my "I bring nothing to the table" shirt to the photos section of my personal ad extremely funny.

F@#& Santa

I apparently have a problem with my Pfaltzgraff. No, it's not some new kind of STD, don't be worried you can't catch it. Pfaltzgraff makes dishes and stuff. More importantly, they make MY dishes. A couple Christmases ago I got a set of dishes, service for eight. Excellent present, if I do say so myself. Better than the extension ladder I got for my birthday. No offense, mom.
Whooo, Happy Birthday, now clean the gutters. Anyway, I digress.
So, I've got these really nice dishes, with a pattern I really like. They say right on the back of them "Microwave safe." But, apparently there's some kind of issue when you microwave a chicken breast. Or, when you microwave some chicken breasts. Twice now, technically once before and once now, I hear this loud pop and when you inspect the plate after 'waving you find a crack more than halfway across the plate. That's bad. I now have service for six-ish. Oh wait, Greg broke one, service for five-ish. Unless we're having soup, still have eight bowls. Anyway, getting off track again.
So, what's wrong with the combination of supposedly-microwave-safe plates + seemingly-microwave-safe chicken + decidedly-microwave-save microwave that = broken plates?
When another broke last night, Kenny, my roommate Danielle's boyfriend, says I should just throw the rest of them away.
"No," I say, "I got them from Santa (a.k.a. my mom).
"F@#% Santa," Kenny adds.
And that sir, is precisely why you'll be getting coal this year.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Up and Down

The cable system we have at the house has something called Mag Rack. This is channel 502 and it's got things like GuitarExpress (guitar lessons), LoCarb Cooking, Wedding 101, and so on. They've also got the Personal Trainer "mag." I was sitting around, feeling too much like a slug to actually go to the gym so I thought I'd check out this Personal Trainer thing (I've gone through a couple of the guitar ones before) and see what happens. At the time, I had the house all to myself.
So, I scroll through the "articles" and fine one called Quick Fix: Buns 3. I think, "buns, yeah, I like buns, and it's only 11 minutes. I can do ANYTHING for 11 minutes."
I got to about minute 8, sweating a bit and feeling the burn, and the exercise turn to this laying-on-back-pelvic-thrusting-holding and back down. The chick on the tv was saying, "up and down...up and down" and I was going up *pause and squeeze the buns* and down.
I was upping and downing my heart out when my roommate Danielle and her boyfriend walk in.
Danielly shakes her head and Kenny makes the bump-fists motion, "keep on going up and down Lins." Good to have positive reinforcement after embarrassment, I guess.

Thursday, October 06, 2005


The most exciting thing that happened today, you ask?
Yes, I dropped a peanut into my cleavage. This IS the most exciting thing that happened today.
Try to control yourself.
Come on, take it down a notch.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

I hate traffic, don't Jew?

Before you think I'm anti-semitic -- don't. The drive into work today went WAY too smooth. I don't think I drove faster than usual, there just didn't seem to be any traffic. So, I get to work and even the guys who are always late are there on time. Why? Becuase, and I'm Catholic so I don't keep up with these things, it's Rosh Hashanah and none of the Jewish folks are driving to work. In fact, they're not driving anywhere...or doing anything manual, for that matter. Well, except for the head of programming, who still logged in to see how things were going and made phone calls from home. Then again, he's from Spain, so he's probably not allowed to be 100% Jewish.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Record Time

Feels like I got home in record time today. Don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
Just a thing, probably.

Oh yeah, and Go Packers. More specifically, Go Favre.